Monday, June 21, 2010

First Father's Day

Happy first Father's Day to the love of my life. You have already proved yourself to be an incredible man of God and leader for our family. I can't wait to see you and Logan get rough-and-tumble around the house, shoot bows, and kick a soccer ball. Logan truly has the best daddy in the world.

Justin and I took Logan up to Rock Creek for the day to visit Nana and Papa Jack. Hard to believe it was a cool 65 degrees up there! Is it really June right now?!

Trying to settle Logan down for a photo op

The Renwick boys...they don't get older, they just get more fun :)

Cows in the road on our way home. Moose thought it would be a good idea to start barking at them...and so did Justin! It definitely got them to moooove out of the way.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Treasured Moments

My pregnancy was such a range of emotions, it's really hard to describe the journey to the extent I wish I could. But there are several points in time that I hold very close to my heart as Mary treasured in her heart those precious moments after giving birth to Christ. These are my treasured moments...

* The first note I wrote to Logan was before I even knew he was a him. On September 28, 2009, I was 13 weeks pregnant and absolutely thrilled. Other things that I was feeling were expressed here to my unborn child, my "Baby Love."

Baby Love,
Words can hardly express the joy and love that I have because God has blessed your daddy and me with you. We are both nervous because we know how precious and fragile you are. God will keep you healthy and safe because He loves you so much. We don't know how to be good parents because we haven't practiced before! But we know that God is our Heavenly Father and we learn by His example. I can't wait to meet you and see all the growing you've gone through inside of me for 9 months. Daddy and I love you more than you can ever imagine and we pray for you almost daily. I'm doing the best that I can to take good care of myself so that you will be strong and healthy. I love you.

* The moments after my two baby showers where I stood in pure awe of the generosity and kindness that was shown to me. Friends, family, coworkers, and loved ones let it be known that my son was just as precious to them as he was to me. Clothing, diapers, wipes, bottles, towels, soap, lotion, toys, bedding, and so much more were showered over my son and I couldn't praise God enough for His provision. It brought me to a humble state of peace and thanksgiving because I know that I didn't deserve any of it.

* While sitting on the floor of Logan's room sometime during my second trimester, I wept deeply. Not because I was sad. Not because I was overjoyed. But because I felt overwhelmed by God's grace. My heart poured out with questions of adequacy. "God, why in the WORLD would you bless me with something so beautiful when truth be told, I'm just a selfish sinner who turns her back on You everyday?" I had been blessed with the privilege of being able to witness a miracle firsthand. I know that there was nothing I did to deserve such an honor as motherhood. Me? A mom? Seriously?! I just couldn't find the answers in those heartfelt sobs that I cried on the floor. But maybe I didn't need to know anything more than just that.

* Every moment that I could see or feel Logan move.

* But most of all, the moment Logan was born. The whole 16 hours of labor itself was a huge blur and only little things stand out in my memory: David and Kristy bringing us Chinese food for dinner, Justin helping me focus on breathing in the middle of the night, being dilated to 3 centimeters (1 cm shy of being able to get the epidural), epidural in, fully dilated, pushing, and then "Oh my goodness" Logan was here. What made it even better was that somewhere during my 3 hours of pushing, I had asked for a mirror so that I could see him come out. That had to have been one of the most amazing things I had ever seen.

He was all gray, slimy, and covered in goo but oh so beautiful. It was really hard for my mind to wrap itself around the fact that this little human was what had been moving and growing inside my body for 9 or 10 months. So this is what you look like! I think the only thing that kept coming out of my mouth was, "Oh my goodness, oh my goodness." I don't even remember Justin cutting the cord, being stitched up, or even Logan's face. But that one moment, at 12:06 pm on April 10, 2010, will probably be the moment I treasure the most in all my life.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Fast Forward

I had all but forgotten about blogging my journey through my first pregnancy and delivery of my first child. Living out the experience had captivated me so much that it was satisfying just to sit in the stillness of such an incredible blessing and simply smile with gratitude.

All I can really do is share the moments that were beautiful enough for my memory to hold on to. In 8 months' time, you would think there would be too many to choose from, but for some reason there's only a handful that I treasure and that's okay.

I treasure the moment Justin and I found out we were having a boy when we had initially thought the opposite. What was even better was finding out with my best friend Kristy and her husband. Kristy is a sonographer and was the one doing this scan! These are from October 20, 2009

I remember crying and Justin had interpreted this to mean that I was sad over the fact that we weren't having a girl. But they were tears of joy, joyful over getting to know my child a little more. Joyful that now he would have a name, something personal, something we could become attached over. Initially I had wanted a boy because I knew how much Justin wanted a boy. In that moment of seeing my son, I could visualize rough-and-tumble-sessions, fishing poles, and dirty hiking boots. And so the tears came because I couldn't think of anything more beautiful than that, and I was greatly humbled. Such a blessing as this was something I knew I was so unworthy of.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Crafty Mama Thinks It's a Girl!

I sewed this diaper changing pad the other day using instructions from Penny at Her binding was much cuter because it was patterned but was much more difficult to sew on. I used a premade bias binding in a pretty solid dark turquoise. I LOVE this calico print and just fell in love with it when I saw it at JoAnn's fabric store. I added two more layers of the prequilted cotton in between the cotton print because the pad just wasn't soft enough with just the one layer. I was really pleased with how this came out since my first baby blanket that I sewed came out as kind of a nightmare. Because of that blanket, I was having some frustrations and doubts in my capabilities, but I had to keep in mind that I am very much a beginner in the sewing realm of things.

Justin and I aren't 100% sure if we're having a girl or boy so I wanted to make a diaper changing pad that was gender neutral and could be used for future babies :) HOWEVER, I'm probably about 85%-90% positive that we're having a girl...

Our OB said that since we conceived 3 days before ovulation and that sperm carrying boy genetic material die off more quickly, we had pretty good chances of having a boy. Also, pictured above is the Intelligender test which can be purchased from Walgreens for $30. It's 82% accurate worldwide and over 90% accurate in lab studies. You can take the test at least 6 weeks after your first missed period. I was really excited to try this but I know that it's not 100% accurate and will need to have the ultrasound to confirm.

But that hasn't stopped me from picking girl stuff out! Kristy and I went to a consignment sale last week put on by Just Between Friends and got a lot of great deals. I picked out 17 adorable little girl outfits for $23, a Baby Bjorn for $15, and an Arm's Reach co-sleeper for $40. Kristy kept saying I was crazy for picking out girl stuff already, but I figure if we end up having a boy, then I'll donate all the outfits to the NICU I work at. We can always use more outfits for our patients!

I also crocheted these adorable booties in pink camo! I got the directions from

And here's a belly update when I was 14 weeks along. As of yesterday, I am now 15 weeks!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Did-it-myself Maternity Pants

Thanks so much to Anna Reilly from for her DIY maternity pants tutorial!

The rubber-band-looped-around-the-button trick on my pants is still working out for me, luckily. But it's only a matter of time till that trick becomes futile! Buying pants has been a frustrating process because of my petite frame. I found the smallest size maternity pants at Destination Maternity are still too big for me around the legs and bottom.

So I figured that I would continue putting my new sewing machine to good use and sew a t-shirt panel into a pair of pants just like Anna did in her tutorial. These brown pants haven't been worn in years because the rise was so low on them and they were too tight around the waist. The t-shirt was in my "To Donate" pile of clothing that I have yet to actually donate. Good thing I hadn't yet! There's still a couple of decent t-shirts in there that I can use for more future maternity pants. A pair of did-it-myself maternity jeans are next on my project list!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

11 weeks

So many exciting things have been happening over the past few weeks! We celebrated Justin's 32nd birthday, we got a new car, work has been busy for both of us, our life group has started a new study (The Truth Project)... I have been meaning to write about our first visit to the OB's office (Aug. 26), but life has been happening so gosh darn fast! Okay, we'll start with the first ultrasound...

Dr. Reddington's office had the sweetest staff and the most gorgeous interior decorating. It felt more like I was in a salon than an OB-GYN's office. Each exam room had a theme, such as The Garden Room or The Gallery, which is the exam room Justin and I were. In The Gallery, there were beautiful black and white photos on the walls of adorable sleeping babies and moms holding their big prego bellies. There was a soft black loveseat with cheetah print pillows for Justin to sit on and a corner of the room was for changing, complete with black velvet, fringe, and cheetah print curtains. When I laid back on the exam table, I looked up to see there were white lights poking through the ceiling with strings of stars hanging down. It was peaceful, relaxing, and just an overall great experience on top of the joy of knowing we're having a child. Just to give you an idea, check out the paint job in their restroom. May I reinforce that this is their RESTROOM. You know that if the bathroom looks this good, then the rest of the place looks amazing! SO cute!

I had written before about how I had felt like a "phoney" pregnant mommy because I was so early in my pregnancy that I didn't have any real signs to prove that I was pregnant besides a plus sign on a pee stick (and even that I thought was negative at first!). There was no tangible proof to show I was pregnant: no belly, no morning sickness, no crazy mood swings. And then I see this...

...and my heart does flip flops! The first thing Justin and I could see was the baby's heart beating, a wonderful little flicker on a screen. The baby was so tiny and hardly even resembled a human yet, but it was still breathtaking to us. You probably can't read because it's small, but the nurse practitioner wrote "Hi Mom and Dad" by the baby! The wavelength on the bottom was the baby's heartbeat (145 bpm) which was a symphony to hear. I teared up at the sound, knowing that our baby is strong and God is sustaining life in me. It was an amazing day.

This was my little pooch at 10 and a half weeks just a few days ago...

And this was my belly last night in the dressing room at Destination Maternity...

No, I didn't grow a 7-month belly overnight! Destination Maternity had pretend bellies so you could see if the clothes you tried on would still fit later on in pregnancy. It was so fun to wear, I was trying to convince Justin to strap it on for kicks. But then I remembered he already has a gut the size of a 7-month prego belly!

I was hoping to hold off on maternity shopping as long as a could. But I felt like I needed to go last night due to the fact that I busted a button off of a pair of dress pants yesterday when I was getting ready for a neonatal conference at Children's. I just about laughed and cried out loud at the same time! I thought it was hilarious because I've never been big enough to bust a button off of anything! But I also wanted to cry because I realized that my body was definitely at the beginning of a major transformation. Even more funny was during the conference, my zipper kept unzipping whenever I was sitting down while the clasp on these button-busted pants was hanging on for dear life.

Our next appointment is this Wednesday and I'll finally get to meet my obstetrician (last time I met with the nurse practitioner). We'll get to see if all my labwork is good (which, by the way, was almost $450 before insurance was billed!), another ultrasound, and I don't know what else! Probably something exciting. I'll keep you posted, friends!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

First Pregnancy-Related Dream

Kristy snagged a whole bunch of baby/pregnancy/parenting magazines from her workplace so I've been blessed with LOTS of reading material! So much that now my nightstand is starting to look pregnant because it's putting on a little weight :)

Anywhoooo, so I read one little magazine that was written like a pregnancy journal. There was space for your response to cute questions like, "What food item do you gag at the mere sight of?" and "What feature of your partner do you hope the baby will have?" Well one of the questions was about your first pregnancy dream. I also read in a different magazine about common dreams pregnant women have, such as dreaming about giving birth to a little bunny or running through buildings in a panic because you can't find your baby. Luckily, my dream from last night doesn't fall under either of those categories.

I had dreamt that I checked myself in to St. Agnes' Labor and Delivery unit, although in my dream it looked nothing like the real life L&D at St. Agnes. This dream unit looked more or less like a big cubicle-land office type space with small glass-enclosed rooms surrounding the perimeter. So I had checked myself in to "St. Agnes" despite not having any contractions. I had nothing labor-related that would have warranted being admitted to L&D in real life. And yet I was admitted in my dream. So I got into my little gown and little bed in one of the glass-encased "office" rooms (these were all the patient rooms, all the cubicle-like things were nurses' stations). My room was cool because it even had curtains that I could pull for some privacy. I was visited by some friends that were all excited and concerned about me being "in labor." Strange dream...

Dreams are something I believe to be meaningful or at least stemming from something of importance. Why would I dream something like this, where I'm almost getting away for being something I'm not...and people believe me! Perhaps it stems from envy. There are several women at work who are pregnant but they're all at least 20 weeks along. I'm 7 and a half weeks along and feel as if there is nothing tangible to prove that I really am pregnant, besides a stick with my pee and a (+) sign on it (which is long gone in the garbage). I don't know if we're having a boy or a girl, I don't have a cute baby bump for people to rub, I don't feel anything kicking (besides my stomach whenever I'm famished), and I haven't actually seen what's going on inside of me. I almost feel like a fake, that people believe I'm pregnant simply because I've told them.

Maybe there's this mascarade of "being in labor" because of sheer disbelief, of not having come to complete grips with my pregnancy. This whole thing is completely beyond words and has left me so in awe of my Father. Yesterday I sat on the floor in our spare bedroom next to a couple packs of Huggies diapers and a crib that has yet to be assembled. And I broke down into big tears. Really, God? Are you friggin' kidding me?! You want ME to carry a human life? You think I have what it takes to be a mother? All I am is a sinner, a liar, a fake, a selfish conceited piece of nothing. And yet you chose to bless Justin and me incredibly. Wow... thank you. Thank you so so SO much. Really, God?!?!

Many people say they feel closest to God when they see the sunset or experience a huge thunderstorm or see majestic mountains. I feel that way about all those things too, but I ask you this: What can possibly bring you more to feeling close to God than carrying a child? In me, God has placed life, His life. I get the opportunity to experience God's power and creativity firsthand, physically. Knowing this leaves me breathless, speechless, and enamored. What an amazing blessing, and what an amazing thought to know that God is thinking and loving on me.

Tomorrow is going to be exciting because it's our first prenatal visit with the OB! It will be great to hopefully hear our baby's heartbeat and see our little blueberry on the ultrasound. I can't wait! I'm not looking forward to being poked and prodded for bloodwork, but hearing and seeing Baby Love will make it all worthwhile. Everything pertaining to him or her is completely in God's hands. And I trust those things with all that I am.